


Salvation

by Mother_North



Series: Tainted love [3]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Complicated Relationships, Emotional, Jealousy, M/M, Psychology, Romantic Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:28:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24353614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/pseuds/Mother_North
Summary: “Just kiss me.”A lifeline thrown to a man overboard, Javier’s fingers digging into it in a desperate attempt to save himself.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: Tainted love [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654807
Comments: 6
Kudos: 28





	Salvation

**Author's Note:**

> The fic serves as a continuation of “Obsessed with you” and “Sentenced” storyline.
> 
> RPF disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and it is not meant to offend anyone. It is a product of author’s imagination only. All thoughts, actions and emotions described below have nothing to do with reality.

~

Javier keeps staring at _him_ , devouring with his eyes, unable to look away. He is cataloguing each of his features, searching for the tiniest changes in his countenance. He didn’t see him for far too long: his milky-white translucent skin, a stubborn thin line between his eyebrows, his pitch-black bottomless eyes with night reigning supreme in them.

Javier is dying to touch him, to bury his fingers in his dark locks, pulling hard. He wants to reawake in his mind the feeling of absolute power, reliving the days and nights when he used to possess him completely, wild and unrestrained in his displays of possessiveness.

Yuzuru is avoiding looking him in the eye directly, his gaze turned downward instead.

Javier is standing at the door way: his figure slumped, shoulders tensed and fingers clenched into a white-knuckled lock. Yuzuru wants to run away from these delirious dark eyes but the ringing of hot blood in his ears deafens him, his will suddenly ceasing to exist.

Yuzuru could never grasp the nature of Javier’s power over him. How could the man command him so easily? His body and soul giving in without a fight, shameless eagerness branding his conscience with shame...

Javier’s stare makes Yuzuru’s knees go weak and a bitter lump forming in his throat almost makes him gag. He is disgusted with his own inability to withstand the need to succumb again.

Yuzuru used to play out their meeting numerous times in his imagination. He thought it would have been much better to meet somewhere at the neutral territory. It would have been less dangerous but…

“Let me see you! I miss you badly.” The voice at the other end of the line was desperate and dejected. Yuzuru’s heart ached.

“Yuzu, please…Everything that we had…You can’t just let it all go… We can’t pretend it never existed, we can’t simply hide from each other. I am losing my mind without you! Please, let me in! Into your life…”

_Into you._

And here Javier is, at the door of his apartment. The deep shadows under his eyes giving away nights spent devoid of sleep, his disheveled, significantly longer hair, the stubble on his sharpened cheekbones, which Yuzuru yearned to trace with his fingers.

“Javi,” Yuzuru is whispering the name that still holds a special meaning to him. Very quietly; actually it’s barely more than a sigh, yet Javier catches it and the next moment he has Yuzuru’s fragile body crushed in his arms.

His hands are sliding greedily over the slender back and Yuzuru’s protruding shoulder blades, encircle his tiny waist. Javier is pressing into _his_ boy hard, needing to hear the accelerated heartbeat resonating in his own bones.

Javier buries his nose in the crook of Yuzuru’s neck, inhaling his heady scent in his senseless and animalistic urge _to feel_ him. He gives a sob. Javier can’t get rid of an eerie feeling that it’s a mere dream, a feverish fantasy of his; that Yuzuru in his arms can vanish into thin air any moment and that having him right now is a happiness he doesn’t deserve.

_Do I have my sins atoned? Do I have the right to caress this smooth cheek with the very hand I abused it with, tarnishing the purity of its owner? Wouldn’t there appear an invisible scar from all of the pain and suffering inflicted by me, after all of the humiliation…Like an ugly crack snaking across the finest of porcelain to taint its beauty…_

Thoughts are running inside Javier’s head, unruly and overwhelming. Yuzuru’s blunt nails are scraping his neck, wordlessly urging him on, asking for more, attempting to get Javier closer, pressing into his body with the feverishness of an abandoned lover.

Javier tries to capture the desired mouth, licking the corner of Yuzuru’s thin lips but the boy turns his face away abruptly and the aborted kiss dies at the chin area, remaining unborn.

“No, Javi! Wait!”

Yuzuru is pushing Javier into his chest, making him take several steps back. His head is spinning from the onslaught of emotions – Javier seems to drown everything else out – with his peculiar musky scent, with the alluring warmth of his solid body, with the sensation of his strong arms that used to turn Yuzuru into an incoherent mess of naked want.

Yuzuru feels like a prey trapped in a spider web, helplessly watching the spider approaching.

His ribcage turns unbearably tight, air refusing to fill his constricting lungs and Yuzuru starts to hyperventilate. He desperately tries to get himself together, searching for something to ground him, so that he wouldn’t fall back into the abyss.

Javier draws back at once, pulling his hands away, as if they’ve been scorched. There’s a mix of hope and dread in his pleading gaze.

“Yuzu…”

“It’s not going to be the way it used to! Not anymore! I just can’t! Don’t you understand?!”

Yuzuru turns away, embracing himself with his shaking arms, his whole body trembling. He looks painfully vulnerable and Javier takes a couple of steps towards him, unable to fight the powerful pull to get nearer. The thought of possible rejection makes Javier’s vision turn red. The blood in his veins is roaring and it’s getting harder and harder to maintain a semblance of self-control through the thickening haze of irritated anger.

“Have you found somebody else? Don’t you need me anymore?” Making his voice sound calm requires an immense effort from Javier.

Yuzuru winces as if struck, the absurdity of question hurting him. He is aware it’s Javier’s toxic jealousy that is talking at the moment. It often stems from self-loathing and low self-esteem: the constant suspicions and paranoid baseless accusations. Yuzuru tried to detect the initial source of Javier’s deeply rooted self-deprecation but he couldn’t do it, ending up blaming his own impatience and lack of insight as a result of this failure.

The silence between them is suffocating, tightening like a noose around a neck. Javier is flexing the muscles of his arms nervously, his breathing, laboured and loud, tickling the back of Yuzuru’s neck.

It can’t last a moment longer.

“Have you swallowed your tongue?!” Javier snaps first, as usual. He wants to grab Yuzuru’s shoulders and shake him violently until he sees his eyes brim with unshed tears, until he can press Yuzuru hard against him and hold him hostage in his vicious grip.

_Bury you in my heart for the rest of eternity, so that you become a prisoner of my insatiable lust._

Javier’s intense stare is burning a hole in Yuzuru’s strained back, as he remains silent, seemingly afraid to take a breath.

_What is it? What are you doing to me? Is this a newly designed game of yours? A demonstration of your absolute power over me? Or my self-control being tested again? Is it a yet another sophisticated torture of your wicked mind?_

“You’ve called me yourself, Yuzu. You agreed to meet. You know perfectly well how strongly I need you! You are my fucking drug! You are my heroin! I was in _hell_ all these months, Yuzu! Do you want to send me back there again?!”

Yuzuru slowly turns to face Javier, acutely realizing that he can drown in the liquid hurt and desire of his penetrating gaze.

He probably looks scared because Javier’s expression softens in an instant.

“I love…”

“Shh…Don’t.”

Yuzuru silences Javier with a feathery touch of his fingertips.

They are bound together by something Yuzuru could never find a name for. He could never call it “love”. It would be way too simple. It can’t contain so much pain, so much primal hunger and fatal attraction; the degree of need _to possess_ reaching indescribable heights, the desire _to give_ unabashedly becoming frightening.

Yuzuru doesn’t want to hear “love you” and “forgive me”; he doesn’t harbor an illusion that the story won’t repeat itself.

_The nine circles of Hell that they must endure together, a side by side, a heart to heart._

The sentiment that has turned the both of them into its mindless slaves, an invisible thread tying their bleeding souls.

“Just kiss me.”

A lifeline thrown to a man overboard, Javier’s fingers digging into it in a desperate attempt to save himself.

A storm raging inside mere minutes ago dies down, as Javier leans into a kiss, his dry lips touching Yuzuru’s slightly parted mouth with something akin to reverence.

He has never kissed Yuzuru like _this_ before.

The taste of Yuzuru’s lips will haunt Javier forever, the promise of fulfillment and rapture that it holds, as they are kissing unexplainably timid.

Overwhelming tenderness is suffocating Javier, setting in deep in his core, the devastating storm finally calming down, as if a ray of light glimpses through grey clouds for the first time in months.

Yuzuru is searching for his hand, twining their fingers, and Javier gives his narrow palm a light squeeze.

~


End file.
